how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
