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Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
a search helicopter?!
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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