I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
