Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
