Only a mothe r could love this liver
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
