We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
