either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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