umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
