Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
