Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
