Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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