I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
