Don't you send me to vm
return my video game
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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