I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
wanna go halves on a baby?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
