would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
