I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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