Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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