just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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