boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
