i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
he thought i was a dude.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize