I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
