I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
