did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize