you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Randomize
