I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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