There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
