I want to walk on stilts...naked
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
