im gay
i know
yea but for you.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
