I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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