Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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