So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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