I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize