I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
