highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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