When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There r osticjed everywhere
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
