They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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