Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
