i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
