I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize