Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
