I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
