I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize