If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Randomize
