My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
