i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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