We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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