when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
