i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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