How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
he was CRYING into my vagina
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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