Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
