Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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