then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
