So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
