My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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