My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
