Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
