just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
