So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
