All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
