Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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