dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
