Screwed.edu
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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