Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
