dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
