yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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