I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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