he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
