i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
