as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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