I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
