i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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