Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
