i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We're too hungover to prance.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
