I think I won the penis lottery.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she peed on how many people?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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